The Sound of Silence! Practicing Soul-Care as an Asian American
By Suresh Thomas, theologian, spiritual coach, and director of Missioneer International.
We all have heard people say: ‘Silence is awkward!’ Have you ever wondered why?
Well, I guess it’s obvious we live in a world filled with noise, and we can’t fathom the absence of noise. It is almost unbearable to sit in the mystery of ‘silence.’ It is as if we are missing something valuable and worthwhile. Noisy spaces have become the safe, stable, and fun social environments that we pursue to make us feel alive. And sometimes they are. But at other times, we have experienced feeling overwhelmed and a need for space to breathe to sort the myriads of thoughts, ideas, and dreams that percolate our minds. Noise can sometimes be annoying and tiring.
Two weeks back, my wife and I were visiting a few amazing cities in Europe. One early morning, as we were traveling from Vienna, Austria, on our way to Bratislava, Slovakia, our journey was disrupted due to construction work on the rail track along the way. So, the train company rerouted all the passengers for about 60 Km on a bus that took us to a train station further ahead to continue to Bratislava. But it was an amazing scenic journey through green rolling hills and quaint surroundings that could easily calm any mind. On our bus, we had 20 other young adults who were also traveling to a bachelor party. For the first 15 minutes of the bus journey, we really enjoyed their company as they created a party atmosphere for all travelers. Loud music, beer drinking, fun, and frolic charged the entire ambiance of this bus journey. However, within 20 minutes, the noise level became so unbearable to us, deafening our ears and giving us a headache. With trepidation, I gently pleaded with them to lower their voices and the sound level. Their only response was a brief blank stare and a series of giggles and joint laughter. And then they continued with their revelry. It was very unfortunate that we could not enjoy the scenic and wonder-filled journey as a result of this noise.
Can you imagine what this kind of hyper-noise level does to our well-being? Even though it was entertaining at first, it soon became repugnant and distressful to us for the rest of our bus journey, leaving us with a nagging headache accompanied by nausea, momentary deafness, and a feeling of mental and bodily exhaustion. Somewhere during those protracted moments of frustration, a thought slipped into my heart - everyone has a right to ‘the sound of silence.’
Now, as we all may know, audible noise is easy to overcome with noise-canceling technology or gadgets. Alternatively, we can also find respite by leaving the noisy environment to find calm. However, there is another most serious kind of noise within one's head that often causes both headaches and heartaches, and this noise needs to be addressed. This is neither obvious nor easy to deal with. Let me briefly explain.
During my childhood and adult years, I lived in a bubble of noise, and I thought this was normal. Growing up as a child in the 1970s in the rapidly progressive society of India, the only silence I knew was a resounding noise in my head. My family and my culture strongly encouraged me to constantly and passionately pursue it. The noise was the cumulative dissonant voices of my parents, my extended family, my friends, my neighbors, and the powerful enculturating voices of my Syrian Orthodox community. As I grew older, the intensity of this noise grew louder. During my early teens, the noise was both exhilarating and challenging. This noise came in the form of a rhythmic refrain- Son! You must become a doctor or engineer, or else your life will amount to nothing. It was often my dear mother's frustrated voice that stemmed from her own life filled with many hardships, pain, and emotional suffering. It was her way of saying: don’t become like your dad and I, study hard! Become “someone” noteworthy, who the world will recognize and reward with money and position, so you will have a better lifestyle.
Growing up within a closely-knit extended family, I often heard my Appacha (grandpa) and Ammachi (grandma) repeatedly talk about their well-educated and socially upward-mobile sons and daughters with great honor and a sense of pride. My mother grew up with nine other siblings who held esteemed positions as high-earning professionals in the fast-developing Indian society.
This cultural milieu of value for education and lifestyle development was inspirational, and yet it also brought a sense of inadequacy and frustration within me. When my career dream to be a physician was hopelessly dashed through an unfair caste-based educational policy, my unwise personal choices left me angry, restless, and endlessly striving. I realized I was part of a culture that was in a rat race, pursuing significance through personal achievements.
The greatest noise that fills the human mind is the repeated limiting thoughts like, I’m not enough, I need to achieve more, work more, earn more, amass more, and—if possible—faster. This sense of inadequacy and deep insecurity has plagued humanity for decades now, causing us to merely exist and not live. In 2022, the American Psychological Association found that among young people aged 18-35, nearly 56% of them feel completely overwhelmed by stress. Nearly 45% felt debilitatingly overwhelmed and unable to function normally. They reported mental confusion, tiredness, racing thoughts, forgetfulness, lack of focus, headaches, pessimism, anxiety, and a gross lack of joy or happiness. Such people inevitably and unconsciously send these negative energies to their network of relationships, causing more stress. Noise affects everyone, and this noise level must be combatted by intentionally practicing the sound of silence. The sound of silence is God’s gift to humankind for its renewal.
My journey into the sound of Silence
Human beings are wired for sound and most of us enjoy the good sound of music and melody. So, when does sound become noise?
As mentioned earlier, years of unfulfilled dreams and a life filled with endless chasing for achievements and material comforts eventually led me to an identity crisis and emotional burnout. Thankfully, God brought a spiritual guide into my life at the very nick of time.
In 2020, the COVID crisis brought humanity’s insatiable greed for progress to a screeching halt. It was a rude awakening to certain existential realities that have forever changed the status quo of many societies. Confined to our homes, we found ourselves in a close relationship with our family, being forced to alter our rhythms of life and work. Even though global noise pollution slumped, the biggest impact was on the human mind and psyche. Many people with good careers struggled with their identity, questioning who they were without their careers. It was an opportunity for humanity to reset their priorities and responsibilities.
In 2019, I left a promising career to pursue more meaning in life. The COVID period was an important season where I reset my own priorities in life and work. I developed a new habit—the sound of silence. The practice of the sound of silence for the past 5 years has significantly reduced the noise level in my head. Today, I am a better human, a better spouse, and a much better father to my children.
A seed grows without sound, but a tree falls with a huge noise. Destruction has noise, but creation is quiet. This is the power of silence. Grow silently! (unknown)
A seed grows and stays rooted like a tree in silence. However, when it is uprooted and falls, it makes a loud noise causing destruction to its surroundings. Likewise, growth and maturity take time. We must allow time and space to do this inner work quietly to impact our outer life. This entails carving moments of silence amidst our busy work schedules. Anyone suffering from insomnia or longing to take a power nap knows the deep value of a moment of silence. This is also true for those who feel overwhelmed by the relentless noise in their heads that compels them to pursue success and significance. The Christian scripture in the book of Hebrews calls it rest from your own works (Hebrews 4:10). This rest is fostered through the practice of the sound of silence.
What is the Sound of Silence?
Sound is classified as either mechanical reverberations and modulations within the material world or electromagnetic waves produced by electronic or electrical gadgets. The former can be pleasant or unpleasant, good or bad, and beneficial or vanity. While the latter is the static noise that adds to global noise pollution. Music is a good example of a frequency modulation harmonized by a range, a scale, and the pitch of sound decibels. Good music, when used wisely, can help us navigate our emotions more effectively, bringing joy and peace and helping to relax our minds and bodies. Other sounds like the sound of thunder, the sound of gunfire, or a vengeful tone of voice can trigger fear, shame, pain, or unnecessary suffering in the human psyche. Sound is a powerful phenomenon that can alter our consciousness to create awareness of our deeper self, the soul. Noise, on the other hand, is a disruptive phenomenon of sound that distracts our consciousness and our peace. Both auditory and mental noise are harmful to our well-being. The sound of silence, on the other hand, has no audible quality but soothes the soul during times of distress.
Now, there is a sound of silence written and popularized by songwriter Paul Simon in the mid-sixties, which reveals a silence that is deadly and dangerous to any society.
In restless dreams, I walked alone, narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a streetlamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night, and touched the sound of silenceAnd in the naked light, I saw ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
And no one dared, disturb the sound of silence (Simon & Garfunkel)
This song echoes the experience of inner loneliness, mimicking a sound of silence revealed in the gross indifference and apathy of society towards those suffering violence and hatred. The verses, people talking without speaking and people hearing without listening, tell us that the cacophony of voices is not helpful when unaccompanied by compassion and empathy. Oppressed people need both the intensity and clarity of their voices to express themselves to fight injustice.
So, the sound of silence is a sound that is both soulful and mystical. It is important to recognize that silence is not merely the absence of noise but rather a wholesome entity. This sound is a divine encounter with the creator of the universe. It is primeval silence originating and ending in pure presence, God in his limitless and endless existence. Practicing this is essentially holding space with God, a life-giving experience of our existential reality. It is a deep mysterious silence that calms, uplifts, and clarifies our existential reality. Human beings were created to live and work in such an ambiance of sound. The human embryo begins its conception and growth in this silence even before its bearer knows about it. This silence, in my opinion, is the only antidote to the unnerving noise of violence and hatred; the relentless pursuit of things, fame, and power; the unceasing busyness of our lives, causing relational dysfunctions and breakups; the despicable dehumanizing behaviors that traumatize others; and the poverty of the human soul. This sound is the sound of the personhood of God in three persons whispering to one another waves of love and intimacy. Sadly, we are grossly unaware of this sound enveloping us in its truth, goodness, and beauty. Instead, we prefer the cheap noise of global clutter that keeps us rhythmically stimulated in brokenness and imbecility, hurtling us into oblivion.
The rhythm of the sound of silence can help us live in wholeness, joyfulness, wisdom, and excellence. It can help us walk meaningfully in the noisy environment of our culture. However, this requires a quantum shift from our lives of clutter. In a world actively pursuing progress, defined by more speed and more stuff, the global noise culture is here to stay. We must intentionally pursue and practice moments of this silence in our day-to-day lives to restore a more whole and blissful humanity.
How to practice the Sound of Silence?
Practicing silence requires intentionality and a dogged commitment to create space and time. Let me share a few steps:
Choose a place, a time, and a word to hold space with your creator God.
Set a timer to start and end this chosen period of silence.
First, center your thoughts on where you are physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Become aware of the room and the surroundings where you are sitting, how you are feeling, and what you are sensing.
Next, breathe deeply for at least 2-3 minutes to focus your full attention on your breath, filling and emptying the lungs. You can place your hand on your abdomen to sense this movement.
Slowly release the tightened muscles and pain areas in your body to experience relaxation.
Continue breathing naturally, letting go of any distracting thoughts without resisting them. The key is to welcome these thoughts and let them pass by without fighting them.
If you have time, journal your experience and what you sense God is saying.
Finally, when you sense an inner quietness, meditate on a Scripture portion to meet the living word, Christ. Sink into the arms of the welcoming embrace of God’s love.
Take this thread of awareness of God’s intimate and loving presence into your day’s activities.
When you encounter noise and pressure moments, silently take a 2-minute pause.
Practice self-care regularly:
Set boundaries to work—start and end work at a specific time.
Take a power nap whenever possible during the day.
Stay hydrated and eat healthy snacks.
Take a walk after a meal.
Listen to relaxing music or read an uplifting book.
Practice non-violent communication.
Give a hug to your significant other or a friend.
Thank you for reading this, and I pray that you will intentionally practice the sound of silence for your own mental and emotional wellbeing and a blessed life.
Suresh Thomas serves as a spiritual architect and mentor for several pastors globally. He graduated with undergraduate degrees in Chemistry and Biblical Studies, graduate studies in Social Work (MSW), Religion, and Business Administration, and a Doctorate in Leadership and Spiritual Formation from Asbury Theological Seminary. His passion is to help all God’s children to connect with their creator and savior. He does this through Missioneer International, a non-profit he and his wife Julie founded in 2005. Suresh is a beloved husband and a loving father of 3 grown-up children- Akshay, Talia, and Anya. He actively pursues God’s presence—waiting, walking, and working with God. He currently resides in Atlanta.
I appreciate this perspective on noise and silence. I'm reminded that the quieter I am, the louder the soft sounds appear to me. The only way to hear a whisper is to be quiet enough to hear how loud it is.
I love this Suresh! Many thanks for sharing. I look forward to sharing it with others…including those at work.🙏🏻